Monday, December 08, 2008


I'm sitting in the ITPL Pushpak bus, going back home from work. The bus is refreshingly empty and I have three seats to curl up on. The window is half open. The traffic is straggly and insubstantial. I'm listening to Tanha Dil as the bus glides almost noiselessly on the smooth road (even in Bangalore smooth roads exist) The wind rustles against my skin and hair. I have my laptop with me, but I'm not carrying work back home. I have a good book with me in case the Ipod runs out of power. I know there is a sumptuous meal waiting for me back home.

Now that is contentment.

Tuesday, December 02, 2008

Abysmal Jokes (AJ's) Part 6

What do you call a romantic cyber cafe which also serves North Indian food?

What does the fat terrorist call his dumb-bells?
Weapons of mass destruction

If you have some abysmal jokes and like getting hit with tomatoes, send them to

Monday, December 01, 2008

Visit to the Gym

I turned up at 1 pm for my physio at the gym, little knowing what to expect.
It started out quite ok, I thought. I met the physio Yograj. I looked forward to the procedure with a jaunty air, everything looked encouraging. Yograj asked some simple questions about my medical history etc. He was almost pitiful when heard my report.. no major illnesses; no surgeries ; no smoking ; no drinking, no untoward incidents. I could read the thoughts in his head as clearly as daylight.. stupid software guy does not have a life!! “ I’m a hardware guy and you’re only partially right about the 'does not have a life' part” I wanted to correct his thoughts but decided against it. The initial session went ahead without any further incidents.

Then came the height, weight and other measurements section. The height was no surprise, since man is not biologically known to vacillate in height every now and then. But the weight! Ah the weight.. waxing and waning asymmetrically (more of waxing in my case), always in flux and tormenting me in its uncertainty. The weight turned out to be 71 today. But this was not a the surprise.. The biggest surprise was when Yograj told me my weight was a little on the lower side!! What? I asked him twice aloud and 14 times in my head. How can I not be overweight?? Something was very fishy here, and I’m not talking about the smell my shoes and socks sitting innocently at the corner were radiating. Anyway the expert had manipulated data in my favor. Good for me! I could feel my self -esteem burgeoning into a big balloon over my head.

Then next, I was supposed to go through a number of physical tasks or mini exercises. Having categorized me as just another IT professional who's more interested in filling company coffers than in improving the temple of his soul i.e. his body, he proceeded to systematically puncture holes in every possible way in the hot air balloon that my self-esteem had become. He made me stretch legs, do push ups , touch the toes, balance on heel, balance on toes and what not. He was delighted that I couldn’t do more than x pushups (x being close enough to negligible to warrant not mentioning it). Paining at the hamstrings he he? he asked. My brain shifted gears in a effort to recollect where my hamstrings were, but since I was aching all over, it really didn’t matter where those hamstrings were, they were paining all right.

Here’s only a partial list of my physical fallacies he mentioned:
1) Less body strength (Ok fair call. Considering that I hardly do lots of things other than lifting the mouse and laptop)
2) General Flabbiness in upper body ( $#%^&*?? I think this guy is really pulling it now! After running 3 km daily and eating paltry fruits as lunch for two weeks this guy says I’m flabby. I'll ignore this one)
3) Limited Flexibility in muscles
4) Slightly high Skin Fat content

All in all it was a terrible session; he made me feel completely naked though I was only partially naked during some times of the session. Gym Instructors and dentists, they’re all the same!!

A Fitting Ending

Yesterday I was going through my cupboard, searching feverishly for a decent pair of pants. That I found clothes in the cupboard was in itself a big deal. Usually the peripatetic cottons were on a mission to get entrenched in every nook and cranny of my room.

It was then that I came across my trusty old denim jeans pant. It’s been a while, I thought. I’ve had few friends who are closer to me than my jeans have been. This pant was ancient: it dated more than 8 years back, and carried a lot of weigh for me - emotionally and physically. I remembered the first few times I wore the pair to tuitions while preparing for 12th board exams (2ndPUC in Karnataka). I was so careful not to get them dirty then. By the way, Sorry, jeans for never letting you feel the female touch - except probably the washer-woman’s scrapes - I missed it as much as you probably did (Note to self: make it clear that you missed the female touch but not the washer-woman’s scrapes)

Soon came the days of engineering, I had practically lived my four years of BE in that pair of jeans. There were many days especially during the internals and exams when the jeans and I did not get a glimpse of soap and water for more days than I will admit. I didn’t mind them getting dirty at all. Then there was football, I’ve played so often and have picked up myself from the ground battered and bruised but never once did I lose my cool or my pant.

Alas ! Then I started working. As life became comfortable, so did my waist. The first six months or so were ok for me and my jeans, but as time went there came a certain frostiness in our relationship, I saw less and less of my jeans. Of course it was totally my fault. I had found a new love. Food. I was willing to compromise … I cut back on sweets and fast food by a large extent, but the jeans were too demanding, no question of compromise! It remained stuck at 32 inches. Unwilling to change with the times or external circumstances. What else to do other than break up?

Anyway, alls well that ends well. I’ve found it now after about two years and am amazed that I have to suck up my tummy only so much before I could get into it ;)

Lesson: you ALWAYS have to suck up while mending a broken relationship. It’s the law.