Monday, December 01, 2008

Visit to the Gym

I turned up at 1 pm for my physio at the gym, little knowing what to expect.
It started out quite ok, I thought. I met the physio Yograj. I looked forward to the procedure with a jaunty air, everything looked encouraging. Yograj asked some simple questions about my medical history etc. He was almost pitiful when heard my report.. no major illnesses; no surgeries ; no smoking ; no drinking, no untoward incidents. I could read the thoughts in his head as clearly as daylight.. stupid software guy does not have a life!! “ I’m a hardware guy and you’re only partially right about the 'does not have a life' part” I wanted to correct his thoughts but decided against it. The initial session went ahead without any further incidents.

Then came the height, weight and other measurements section. The height was no surprise, since man is not biologically known to vacillate in height every now and then. But the weight! Ah the weight.. waxing and waning asymmetrically (more of waxing in my case), always in flux and tormenting me in its uncertainty. The weight turned out to be 71 today. But this was not a the surprise.. The biggest surprise was when Yograj told me my weight was a little on the lower side!! What? I asked him twice aloud and 14 times in my head. How can I not be overweight?? Something was very fishy here, and I’m not talking about the smell my shoes and socks sitting innocently at the corner were radiating. Anyway the expert had manipulated data in my favor. Good for me! I could feel my self -esteem burgeoning into a big balloon over my head.

Then next, I was supposed to go through a number of physical tasks or mini exercises. Having categorized me as just another IT professional who's more interested in filling company coffers than in improving the temple of his soul i.e. his body, he proceeded to systematically puncture holes in every possible way in the hot air balloon that my self-esteem had become. He made me stretch legs, do push ups , touch the toes, balance on heel, balance on toes and what not. He was delighted that I couldn’t do more than x pushups (x being close enough to negligible to warrant not mentioning it). Paining at the hamstrings he he? he asked. My brain shifted gears in a effort to recollect where my hamstrings were, but since I was aching all over, it really didn’t matter where those hamstrings were, they were paining all right.

Here’s only a partial list of my physical fallacies he mentioned:
1) Less body strength (Ok fair call. Considering that I hardly do lots of things other than lifting the mouse and laptop)
2) General Flabbiness in upper body ( $#%^&*?? I think this guy is really pulling it now! After running 3 km daily and eating paltry fruits as lunch for two weeks this guy says I’m flabby. I'll ignore this one)
3) Limited Flexibility in muscles
4) Slightly high Skin Fat content

All in all it was a terrible session; he made me feel completely naked though I was only partially naked during some times of the session. Gym Instructors and dentists, they’re all the same!!

1 comment:

  1. :D Good one! I remember going to gym years ago for a couple of months. My programme was for "Weight Gain". :P They made me exercise so much that I was hungry all day and ate like a pig. Lol